- dvaHaven -

Don’t you just hate bad surprises? Don’t you just hate last-minute changes, especially after days of anticipation and after various arrangements have been made?

If there’s any news that are not too easy to swallow, I’d rather be pre-empted in ample time; at least, I can adjust my bearings, bring my expectations down and get everyone’s nerves all calmed down.

BUT NOT THIS WAY.

No matter how hard I try to comprehend, I believe a little consideration ought to go my way. I just cannot, at the snap of fingers, to be asked for MY understanding when things are not going as they are planned. Goodness, come to think about it – it hasn’t been ME who planned it! I think that’s very belittling and I dare say, it’s taking my position for granted.

Well, hello … even if the honeymoon’s period is over, heck, couldn’t I just be informed gently? And be shown the WAY slowly?

And especially at this point of my life, where I have my own interests to look after, ought I not to get a wee bit of comprehension going my way?

Well … even if not, I would certainly appreciate some compassion there. I go to night classes twice a week, and it is a no joke coming home close to midnight on my own – especially if I have had to work 8 hours and above earlier. Tend I not miss my stops? Tend I not wink a bit too many?

Did anyone ask?

The feeling that someone’s watching over me – regardless of time and place – would do me good. A whole lot of good. But I suppose, sometimes people tend to take things for granted. Hey, Singapore’s safe, right? What on earth could happen to an almost 40-year-old woman walking alone at night, and conquering the lift lobbies all on her own?

Nothing.

Precisely, nothing. Nothing to worry about.

I’m really getting tired of this. I thought I have tried to understand, have tried to show my comprehension; however, I cannot be expected to be giving all the time. If I am the giver, please pay your due respect.

Each of us has our own interests. And if we are trapped by our circumstances, what could be a better way to seek others’ compassion by being gentle with them? And to show that no matter what, our position and purpose here in life are not to be taken at liberty.

Please – do not be selfish.

Murphy decides to bring his Laws in …

Oh the pounding in my head

Just got louder; adding on to the weight

It hurts to blink – even worse to think

A day seems so near, but now,

it just does not really matter.

You know, people have been telling me these: count your blessings; you still have this and that … and so forth. But really, do they have any idea what am I going through right now?

And yes, sure … there may be many others whose circumstances are no better or worse than mine. However, I am here to speak of myself, for myself and about myself. Really, I have no interest to think of someone else’s worries, no matter how big or small those worries may be. Those aren’t mine.

Call me selfish; call me anything – unless you are ME, and in MY shoes, you cannot say you understand.

I’m very exhausted. Start of everything now, and the start of a very long journey. I envy those who can simply pack up and go. PACK UP AND GO. And always … always, I am left behind. PACK UP AND GO. PACK UP AND GO. Nary a thought of what’s behind.

PACK UP AND GO.

Would I want to be the one to be able to do THAT? To PACK UP AND GO? And then let others take my role? Would I?

Perhaps … maybe just a an hour or two. A day or two. A month or two. A year or two.

Fatigue can do this to a sound mind – can play around with it, till the soundness appears silent. So silent, that it does not sound at all.

To stay alert, I do random quizzes.

SocialInterview.com asked me "Describe your wildest fantasy."

I answered ''Wildest one at this present moment? Is to leave the scattered books and papers and just go and SLEEP.''

SocialInterview.com asked me "What is your biggest regret?"

I answered ''Not marrying Hubs the very moment I met him ... 13 years ago. ''

SocialInterview.com asked me "What are you currently obsessed with?"

I answered '''staying awake ... and alive in a coherent manner.'''

 ...

The cuppa used to be waiting for me, until I told him I’d make it myself. Little did I know the job would already be half done. And thus, this never fails to greet me whenever I’m about to start my all-night-long vigilance.

Where can one ever find a man even half-good as this?

And I am so blessed with one whole!

 ...

Yes … for the second time. Sheesh.

I was driving home when suddenly there was a ‘plop plop plop’ sound. Immediately, Hubs was on the alert. He called out, ‘Bunyi apa tu? Tayar pancit lagi?’

We were lucky. We were near the exit and I came off the highway near Bartley Road East (or something like that). We all trooped out of the car and yes, true enough, the tyre was heavily punctured. Bleh …

Amidst all these, and despite being stranded for a good 30 minutes, we were lucky for the following:

1.    We were near an exit.

2.    It was not raining, nor scorching either.

3.    I was NOT alone! Phew.

4.    We just had brunch, so we were not grouchy, hungry or irritable (rather, it was an adventure for the boys).

5.    It occurred while we, and NOT Ibu Ros, were using the car.

6.    We had many helplines.

7.    We had our mobiles (with charged batteries) with us.

8.    SuperBapak came to the rescue!

.: Flat as a pancake.                                            

.: Masing-masing cari haluan sendiri.       

.: Jacking it up.     

.: Punctured picnic, anyone?  

.: SUPERBAPAK to the rescue!       

.: Some 'moisturizer' to the works.     

.: The ugly but workable spare tyre.