These days .. nights… what fatigue-ness. Many things in this tiny mind of mine, so many issues – school, work, assignments, objectives bla bla - I wish there’s like a pay-service to a machine or something where I can unload all the burden (imaginary, even!) and come out like a new person. Sheesh.

This morning has been no different. It started with a deep throbbing pain in my head that threatened to slowly accumulate to an explosion. I struggled to read my text in the train but the more I tried, the more the words swam (in circles) and ran (haphazardly) – it appeared that they (the words) were determined NOT to stay in one place for a miniscule second for me to make sense of what I was trying to read.

Finally, I gave up and closed my eye and tried to will the pain away. No better.

I came to work. I saw my colleague. There was a trolley between us. We talked – she told me about her meeting last night, I talked about my tutorial last night. The trolley felt cool. And good. To emphasize my point on my fatigue, I rested the side of my head on the trolley.

We talked. The trolley felt cool. I felt better.

Suddenly, I heard – from behind me: ‘Oh my God! You’re here!’

We both stopped talking and I turned around. Another colleague of mine was standing at my cubicle with some papers in his hand and was looking at me. He said: Yeah, I thought I saw you just now. Then I came here. I was looking for you. I can’t see you. I thought that red thing was a towel or something. Then I heard your voice, I didn’t realize the towel or tablecloth was you!’

Ha. Ha. Ha.

I had to laugh.

Came across Madam’s entry and whaddyaknow? It’s a mirror image of what I’m going through. Minus some parts, of course. To read her full entry, just surf over to http://withinmyneurons.blogspot.com/

Here’s mine though:

(Hee .. Babe, kidnap jap, k?)

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to smile and be friendly

بِسْمِ اللّهِ الرَّحْمـَنِ الرَّحِيمِ

I've been told by my mother before, that a person once told ME her, that I appear arrogant and fierce. While another friend of mine, appears friendly. I wonder how that is. I try to smile a lot. I do.

A friend also once told me, to always have a 'half-smile' on my face always. It can be quite tiring to control a half smile all day.

In my conscious effort to smile, I have had an embarassing incident. At my office, there is this guy who comes down to the office almost everyday to service our printer. He talks to almost all my dept colleagues except me. I wonder if I've missed out some get-to-know session. So, I was reminded of what my mother used to say. One day, he was at the office AGAIN, and i was walking past him, so I smiled at him.

He didn't smile back.

And I wonder why. Did he think I was smiling at someone else? Husnozon. I didn't make anymore conscious effort, after that.

Personally, I would like to be approachable - but there's something about me, which I myself have yet to find out - that seems to be keeping some people away.

Perhaps I do look fierce or arrogant when I'm unconscious about it.. but that's just the make of my face.. I don't consciously want to be or want to appear like that. Really.

And seriously.. I can't be smiling ALL the time also right? That would make me look crazy pulak.

Suddenly, I'm reminded of The Joker - the man with the perpetual smile on his face. Nope, don't want to be him either.

Anyway, tawakkaltu'alallah - I'll just have to be myself I guess, cause I can't change myself much anyway.

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