Can one ever be overdosed by ?

I just had my second in less than 60 minutes.

Gosh … My mind needs to be alert, especially at this hour!

HALO is on radio now.

This song undoubtedly reminds me of the time Hubs and I went on a short honeymoon drive-trip to Malacca in March 09. We listened to RED FM while we were on the road, and this song had much airplay.

Such a short break, too close a distance for a honeymoon … but it was a break I totally needed, and much appreciated.

And want more! Hee…

A father and his son, a young adult, were driving to the cottage. The father was worried, because his son had fallen into companionship with people who might lead him astray, and he was trying to help his son see that it was time for him to take his life a little more seriously.

“Aw, dad, I know you mean well, and I know I’m not really doing you proud, but I like to party. I’ll get on the right track some day. I don’t need to worry.”

They drove a little further, when suddenly the son said, “Hey dad, that was the turnoff for the cottage. You missed the turnoff.”

“I know,” said the father. “I think I’ll just keep driving this way for a while. I can always go back later to take the right road.”

A few more minutes – and a couple turnoffs – passed. The son began to think of the swimming he would miss if they arrived too late. “Dad, the farther you go down this road, the longer it will take to get back.”

The father replied, “That’s true. The further you go down the wrong track, the harder it is to get back. So when were you thinking of turning your life around to head down the right track?”

Where do you want to go? What do you want out of life? Most importantly, what are you waiting for?

Early Saturday morning, I turned in at around 5am – for the day (yes, the dreaded harrowing days a-coming).

I had a very disturbed dream. It was very disturbing, that I remembered feeling very disturbed in this dream. I remembered very vividly the anxiety, the disappointment, the slice-like-a-knife hurt, the despair … and maybe the hatred, to a certain extent. I also – I think – could recall the make and shape of the people involved in this dream – especially the ‘other woman’.

Sigh – yes, I dreamt that I was being ‘honey-ed’! Madu lah … Hubs has gotten himself another wife (as if I am not full enough for his hands), and theoretically, the boys have another nagging ‘Ibu’ now. I remembered my sister's face and my brothers' face as the news broke out. No one could believe it - least of all, me - I mean, hey, we are talking about Hubs here, ok?

Ah … the myriad of feelings I went through in the dream. I cannot even begin to start describing. At one point, I remembered hitting Hubs (somewhere in the face, I think) for the pain he is causing me … and I remembered him smiling looking at me sheepishly.

And that ‘other woman’ – why, she’s not any prettier younger than I am. I remembered one scene - she was dressed in a white kebaya, not looking very dainty, but very ‘her age’ instead. I remembered looking at her … and hating her.

Then, I wake up and realize to my utmost happiness that it was all but a dream. I went out to look for Hubs, and told him all about it. I can’t remember his response, but he always has this idea that I am too creative for my own good.

Then I went to look for my boys and told them about my dream, what it was all about, about Ayah having another wife, about them having another nagging ‘Ibu’. Innocently, Imin asked me, ‘Oh, does that mean, you are free to go to other families?’

When I sit down and blog this almost 20 hours later, I remembered something - that this is the second time I blog about having a dream like this.

I discovered a new man in my life.

This morning, at the bus stop, I happened to touch his arm. I felt curves, turns and more curves. I asked, ‘What’s this?’

The reply: ‘Muscles.’

Aww … like since when? Oh, I must have been sleeping. Instantly, I opened my eyes and saw this new man standing before me – these days, clad in casual smart shirts, tails tucked out and sleeves rolled up. Gone were the shabby polo days.

This, here, was a new man in my life. And I luuuuurve it, curves and all.

There are 3 modules. And each comes with their own THREEs.

The first module with the first of the THREE … when I saw what I got, I was … quite very happy – to put it simply. I just had to email ‘what I got’ to Hubs and Ibu Ros. They were awed. The second, which is slightly higher than the first, had me thinking – wow, the tutor was definitely lenient. Or am I really that good?

The second module with the first of the THREE … when I saw what I got, had me going over to Hubs and had me pointing to him what I got. I was – to put it literally – jumping for joy. It was the highest ever that I got since I began this academic journey. And this ‘highest’ was close to … close to … the sky. But I remembered – I DID work hard for it. I really did, and so I think I deserved it. TOTALLY. The second … ah well, I do have to say, I deserved it as well. I did put in as much effort as the first … but it is kinda hard to convince your readers of a rationale when you are not totally convinced of it yourself. Yucks …

The third module with the first of the THREE … and this is the module that I totally dread. The chapters are long, complicated and the writers appear to possess a kind of English that is highly incomprehensible. And they claim it is academic English! Oh well … coming back, the first that I got … I was disappointed. As usual, I put in 101% percent into it, but it is not as high as I have hoped it will be. What did I do? I emailed to the tutor, voicing my unhappiness (hee.) The tutor attempted to provide reasons why I got what I got. I was ok with that, I did not expect any changes in what I have been given – I just need to TELL someone (preferably the person responsible) of my unhappiness. The second THREE, however, made me think differently. I learnt something in this second THREE. Something significant about myself, my academic work. And when I got my second of the THREE … it is the same as the first. But because I have learnt something while working on it, I did not throw a tantrum this time. Instead, I emailed to the tutor, saying that I now understand why I got what I got. And voila … I received a reply, which made me kinda think that hey, really … I have to have more faith in myself.

 
As for your grade, I am glad you understand my rationale for giving you the grades you received.  In fact, you performed better for the second TMA as the mean score for your class was lower at XX for this assignment.  So you were in fact above average.  Keep up the good work.

When was the last time I played homage to my inner self? What have I been up to? What have I been doing?

Occasionally, as days turn into nights, and as dawn breaks and summons another morning, which ultimately, evolves into night once day, I do wonder, precisely what have I been doing … to myself.

In view of the massive workload I was (am and will) encounter till at least December 2009, I have read, tackled, drafted, completed and submitted three written assignments – each of at least 1.5k words – well before their respective deadlines. Very, very well BEFORE. As in 3 weeks in advance*. And once my academic requirements are out of the way, I sat down to read, tackle, drafted and completed a massive out-dated manual – first published in 2007.

(*All these are on top of being an employee, daughter, wife, mother, sister ... sometimes, I wonder, how far I would be if I am single now, OR at least am married with no children in tow ... )

Yesterday, I walked up to my AM and handed her the completed manual. I was given only a week to do it, and I delivered.

All at the cost of my health.

Since mid March, I have been averaging 2 hours of sleep daily. Naturally, I have a very good immune system and am able to go without much sleep for days at a stretch – thanks to my designer-days. However, now that age is determined to play catching-up with me, I really do feel the adverse effects.

And now, with most urgent matters out of the way, I am breathing slightly easier – at least through one blocked nose – and at least, for the weekend. My body’s hot to the touch and my head’s throbbing. Give me this weekend to recover, before I bounce back to vitality on Monday – with God’s will.

Yet, another catastrophe to be endured at work. Yet, another messy pile to sort through at my cubicle. Yet, another meeting with the Heads and AMs where my answer is awaited.

I find that it helps to have someone who can empathize with you and in whatever situation you are in, and especially so if that person has faced the same predicament as you are now.

I certainly do not think it helps to have someone who merely belittles what you have to say, even if (for you) it is just for the sake of saying it out loud and getting it off your chest. Oh! All that pent-up emotions!

Sometimes, a listening ear is all that a person needs – really. And I really think, if one cannot provide that, then probably it is best to say nothing at all. There’s really no reason to be cruel, is there? Now, ever wonder why God creates two ears (2E) and one mouth (1M) for most of each of us?

Ouch. Sigh …

I just received an email. It shows that when you look hard enough, you may just find a willing, listening ear. Someone who is more than happy to hold your hand and guide you through. Or just being there ... to listen.

‘I think you worry too much over the outcome. I think you are on the right track and will do fine. Remember that stress makes you less productive. Go for a walk and plan your essays in your head before you start them. I find it helps me …’

Ah well .. at least now, I know what to expect.

Ah! Hubs just shown me something that he has been doing on the sly. He is trying to get the complete collection of Grisham’s fictions made-to movies (in DVDs). So far, he has amassed The Firm and The Rainmaker (the book is my all-time favourite!).

I excitedly proceeded to put the DVDs on our beloved shelf, till I realized, hey, we are quickly running out of space! And Hubs reminded me again that he wanted some space to be allocated to house Mark Gimenez’s books – his current favourite author. So far, we have two Gimenez’s fictions.

Ok, ok … I made a promise to myself – once my major academic obstacle is well over, I will reorganize the shelf. So many things to rearrange and so many new things to be added! Meanwhile, if you chance upon a Grisham’s DVD, do let me know!

Now and then, we would lean against each other and whisper: Melaka best eh?

But when it comes to the crunch, it’s not so much of the location. I believe, even if you put us at a remote location such as a top of a deserted hill, I think the aftermath would be similar to having a honeymoon in Europe – which is, the revival of a scared vow and promise, the dependence on each other for the completeness of oneself and the magical and sweetness of eternal love.

What really matters is that we were far away from the usual daily grind and the mundane distractions and only had ourselves to each other and to concentrate on. It is a break – a break for us in our rat race and the fact that we only had ourselves to please is a true bonus and a special luxury.

This is something we vow to repeat on a yearly basis – depending, of course, on the kindness and support of those around us. Why, even the boys were cooperative – not being such spoilsports at being left behind on such a short notice (I think I only told them on the very day we were leaving).

We are extremely blessed to have such good family support - without which, this yearly escapade will never be possible. Thank you so very much.

And yes, we readily conclude – a regular break like this is very useful to a lifetime union, which needs constant management, upgrading and maintenance. This is the time where we re-discover our love for our spouses and in doing that, strengthen the eternal bond.

And what better way to unearth all the pent-up emotions than to do it in remembrance of such a special day in your life?