Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia’ is the fear of long words.

Is that so?
 ...

Yes … finally.

I’m leaving everything behind. All the chaos, the madness, the rush, the deadlines .. EVERYTHING! I have come to the point where I DO NOT CARE, I JUST WANT TO GET AWAY.

At least for the weekend, that is.

Yes … it’s that time of the year.

It’s will be exactly 7 years soon, and 12 years since.

Earlier yesterday evening, my itchy hands typed the address to the site where I would be able to access to my office mails.

Immediately, I wish I hadn’t.

An hour later, after I recovered from the shock, I sent an SMS to my domain partner, who is also my fellow sufferer in several projects at work.

Read my emails. I dun wan cme ofce wed ok?

She replied soon after.

Me too. I almost died today … I am to tell you several things, but will do so on wed. Well you better rest cukup cukup tmr.

I have had this bad tingling taste on my tongue and a stubborn, dull, throbbing pain in my tummy ever since.

4am.

A conversation with M, the petite, shrinking and overworked manager in my dept.

M said (3:57 AM): u dun sleep at all is it?

dva™ said (3:58 AM): cant afford to. At least, till may … of this year, I hope.

M  said (3:59 AM): exams?

dva™ said (3:59 AM): tat's in may, and i have not even start revising. now, it's essay assigments, 3 each month, with deadlines back to back

M said (3:59 AM): tired. hv to sleep. wake up in 3 hrs.

dva™ says (4:03 AM): all the best!

M says (4:03 AM): sigh... everyday hv to perform miracle....

dva™ says (4:03 AM): kwa2 .. u have my sympathy.. if u havent notice, so do i, miracles in the office, although to a lesser degree than urs

HEARTRATE  Get your heart-rate going for short spurts frequently during the day. If you sit at the computer all day, as I do, try getting up once every half hour and running up and down the stairs. Or sprint to the mailbox and back. Or take 5 minutes on the trampoline. Not only will you find that getting your heart moving keeps your metabolism higher, but you will feel more energized, motivated and happy with what you are doing.

I can barely breathe these days, what more to find time to blog as regularly as before. The absence of a period of days from this blog is a testament to my grueling schedule. But ah ... I need a break at times. And I treat this as a platform for oiling my brain, putting words together to form comprehensive sentences and as an avenue for stress release.

So many incidents occur, I can barely keep track. But let me tell you this – last Friday, someone apologized to me, someone said ‘I’m sorry that I … ‘

This … this proclaiming took me by surprise. I admit readily that I have been hurt for quite a long while now, but I have come to terms with whatever changes that have developed since … June 08. I have constantly asked God to grant me acceptance and to steel my heart against what was/is happening. God, being the Merciful One, has listened to this servant and yes, He has, indeed, made my heart clear of any bitterness, and clear of any longings of what used to be before. He has made it easier for me to remain in my shell and not be affected by my surrounding.

And so … when this apology came last Friday, with a hope that things would go back to what it used to be before, I was quite … unrelenting. Oh forgive, yes I did … a very long time ago. There’s not an ounce of bitterness in this heart of mine – I have long forgiven. I guess the apology here is not the issue, but whether or not I want things to be as they were before, that’s another story.

I’m trying …

I just treasure simple things.

Just last Saturday, I had a lecture – which I intentionally skipped. It is not like me to skip lectures, especially when I am fully aware who’s funding my education. And Hubs was not really pleased either, with my decision.

But I do so much treasure my time with my family, my boys – specifically on weekends at our own home. And last Saturday was especially special – because we made the decision to withdraw our consent in allowing the boys to proceed with the madrasah’s fieldtrip to Changi Park. And so, last Saturday, I had the boys to myself.

I realize, as we walked to our usual shopping mall that Saturday morning, how much I really love those simple moments – of us walking together, the boys running ahead, us calling out to them, us holding hands (Pau2 would go ‘We-are-a-family, We-are-a-family …’ ), Imin going around with a shopping list in his hand (‘No. 5 is ‘Sucker’, Ibu … We need ‘Sucker’, Ibu …’ ) … and then, for lunch, I made tempura spinach and carrots for them (oh Imin loves those!), I made a mess in the kitchen, but when my boys cleaned off the food that I cooked, it transformed the mess into a beauty … in the evening, we went to catch a bus to AMK, then walked down to AMK library – one of our favourite libraries. How the boys whispered in the library, excitedly grabbing the CDs off the racks … and then they went into the maze, just outside the library … round and round they went, and Hubs hiding and giving them a scare … and then we walked around AMK, and I got to browse for clothes and shoes (of which I did not succumb to temptation) while Hubs waited patiently with the boys at the playground …

Oh such simple activities, simple ones that do not cost much, simple but yet these are the very activities that I truly enjoy and treasure. These are priceless and no amount of money can equate to the contentedness that settled in me on that day.

It is worth skipping a lecture for.

dva ™. said: ayah

®يازكاتراز said: yeah baby

dva ™: tadi my kolik called twice. ibu tak dengar. even at the largest number, the phone very soft and guess wat, the phone is right in front of me!!

®يازكاتراز  said: Gulp... need to check your hearing

dva ™ said: ?!!

Oh yes .. I was gifted with a new phone.

Am still trying to get to know it.

As of this moment, I am seriously not in a mood to plunge myself in my work. Is it the evasive Monday blues? I don’t know, but I am usually not bothered by these ‘disease-days’ – except maybe Friday, when I tend to relax a lot bit.

Anyways, yes .. not in a mood, but at the same time, do not want to, you know, ‘eat salary blindly’. I have so much on my mind - the looming 3 deadlines in less than 7 days, 2 weeks later. I've been having writer's block. Last night, I stared at the screen for a fruitless hour. Nothing came up! I'm panicking, as you can see.