Just this evening, when Hubs came home from work, he came up to me and asked for a hug. Nothing unusual. Until I noticed an envelope in his hand. With a sheepish smile, he handed it to me. I looked at it. It was an official letter from his company. As Hubs sat down to dinner, I began to open the envelope and pull the letter out.

‘… pleased to advice that … salary will be adjusted to.. ‘

WOW!! I silently said a prayer of thanks to God.

Let me see. The Roman year 2006 ends with me getting a grade promotion and a salary raise myself, plus my driving license. For Hubs, the Islamic New Year 1428H begins with him getting an amazing increment for his work efforts.

On top of it, Pau2 has attended school this entire week without any dramatic incidents. In fact, today when I send him off, he even waved goodbye to me.

God has been more than kind to us.

The one thing most wonderful about being a SAHM is that I am very able to keep very easily my daily talks with God, from dawn to night. No rush, no sweat, no worries about being away from the office for too long. Now, when it’s time, I just go and do it. And in fact, even the prayer mat and telekung are left on the floor for the next usage. It’s so convenient and easy and fast! No battle with tudungs, pins and needles.

Happy New Year to Muslims the world over.

I pray that God will continue with His blessings upon us all, and grants us strength to proceed smoothly in this borrowed lifetime. If there are hurdles and obstacles, I pray that God will guide us to the right decisions and paths and make us a stronger band of people coming out of these tests. Make us believers who believe in You and the Day of Judgment. Make us better Muslims today than yesterday and the best of the ummah.

This morning 19 Jan 07, we boarded bus number 72. Me and Pau2 sat across alongside a pretty female. Very made up, complete with red nail polish, bun hair and striking blue eye shadow that overflowed both eyes. Fifteen minutes after boarding, Pau2 happened to glance at his side and spotted the lady, who was using her earphones (thank goodness for that, for what was going to unfold in the next couple of minutes).

A very bouncy three year old who simply loves the sound of his voice regardless of the time of the day, Pau2, without any due care, pointed his cute index finger to the lady and said in his loudest voice possible (may I remind you, ladies and gentleman, that this was at 7am in the morning, on the upper deck, where half of the passengers were mostly quiet): WHAT HAPPENED TO EYE?

I gasped. Quickly pushed his finger down.

Pure Innocence naivety. I love children!

To the lady with the blue eyes shadow, whether or not you heard my son’s question, please accept my apology.

Next Monday, 22^nd January is Imin’s 4^th birthday.

He has been looking forward to it. Each day, as he eats his breakfast, he will watch Primetime Morning on CNA (yes, ladies and gentleman, my eldest boy watches PTM no less). He will look out for the date on the screen and will always call out to me excitedly, telling me that his birthday is how-many-days away.

We will be celebrating his birthday and Ibu Ros’ (which falls on 24^th Jan) on 21 January 2007, Sunday at the beach. This is along with all the January babies in my family. And that’s about 7 people, to my knowledge. Imin is very excited about blowing candles and birthday cakes.

Myself, I look forward to Monday, 22^nd January itself. Hubs is taking leave. I plan to give Imin a surprise in class on that day. Around 9am, I will come and deliver a birthday cake to his classroom for him to share with his classmates. I have not spoken a word of this to him (only to his teacher, who gives me the go-ahead). Knowing him, I know he will be very pleasantly surprised. Perhaps, I will take Pau2 out from his class to share in the celebrations (if Pau2’s teacher allows it).

When the boys finish school, me and Hubs will fetch them and drive (with Ibu Ros’ car of course) to Changi Airport for lunch @ Swenson. We will get Imin the Firehouse Ice Cream Birthday. And a Polaroid too.

Next, we either bring the boys to IKEA, IMM or Discovery Centre.

Oh what a busy day it will be. I am so looking forward to it.

And oh yes, 22nd January 2007… Happy Birthday to you, too, dear Pregnant Mum Without a Back (you know who you are, woman!)

It was raining in the morning but it stopped during mid day, making the rest of day mildly cool and slightly downcast, with no rain. Which is perfect for a visit to the ZOO!

Yes, that’s what we did on Saturday, 13 January 2007. No big deal, you say? Well, it is for me. Simply because it is my very first trip to the zoo since the day I was born eon years ago. OK? Yes, I was that underprivileged.

Zoo is an expensive place to visit. Everything there costs thrice as much. Entrance fees alone are a bomb - $10 for adult, $7 for children. But now, the Zoo is really more than a zoo. It’s family friendly, huge and lots of running spaces – perfect for my active boys.

In addition, Hubs’ company just signed for the Corporate Friends of the Zoo scheme and Hubs, being in charge of the database (or whatever that means) gets to select the dates he wants to use the card beforehand.

So, for that weekend, we had 8 free passes to the zoo. On that day, there were 5 adults and 2 children. How much we save? You do the math.

Back to the zoo. It was amazing! Huge. We couldn’t cover the bases. I whispered to Hubs that we simply had to come back the next day to explore more. It was hard and slow (but much fun) to move around with a big group (an elderly included).

We rented a cart for the boys @ $15 per day. Hefty, but fun. We watched the elephant show. Imin ran halfway as the elephant sprayed water at the audience. He ran screaming ‘I DO NOT WANT TO GET WET!’ So hilarious. We took many pictures. Funny ones. Cousin Mina was there. Her presence helped as she made many jokes, or we made jokes out of her!

There was this mother whom I met when I send my boys to school early mornings. Being a SAHM now, I would hang around a bit to ensure that Pau2 is not hitting out at his teachers.

This mother – I’ll call her Yan – was just like me – a recent convert to motherhood. Hers was a year earlier and like me, she has two children. One boy and one girl.

I listen to her and she is very friendly. By our second meet, she was already pouring out her life story (like me, she must be desperate for adult conversation but unlike her, I was not too keen in talking too much to someone I just knew. Hey it’s a small world ok?). I really do not mind listening – in case you have not heard, I am a good listener – and I find that both of us have a lot – and I mean A LOT – in common.

Yan was a telemarketer in a pharmaceutical company before she left her job a year earlier. She said it was because she was really tired of working and now that her children are growing up, she felt the need to bond more and be around more (prior to this, her children were taken care of by a maid). So, she and her husband did some finance adjustments and send the maid away. She quit her job with full of enthuses and good intentions and all geared up getting ready to tackle motherhood.

Like me, prior to this, she has not really taken care of her children FULL TIME on her own. She has always had a maid since Day One. She said she didn’t even know how to wash up the children’s natural messes.

So came the Big Day – the maid was sent away. Her husband took leave to ease her transition from being a working woman (who, according to Yan, was used to classy clothes and the finest things in life) to being a housewife. With her husband around, Yan found it easy. Like me, her husband pampers her. Like Hubs, her husband takes care of the showering, cleaning up etc etc.

Then, came the Second Big Day – her husband of course has to go to work. Yan said, her first day with the children was quite painless. She was naturally tired of course – she now has to cook, do laundry, do the screaming, do the cleaning etc etc. No maid, you see.

Her second day was uneventful but on her third day, she was getting a bit drained. She said, she spent her day talking in kid’s language that she craved for some adult conversation. She does not have any close friends or siblings (thank God for my sister!) whom she can talk to. When her husband comes home, she longs for some romantic and quiet time. But like Hubs, her husband is a hopeless romantic – totally unromantic.

I have to smile at this part. Yan said she wished her husband, at that time, would surprise her with fresh flowers or a small gift, just a token of appreciation for her hard work at home. Or maybe even make an effort to have some quiet time together after the children go to bed. Like mine, they tune in at 9pm.

Instead, her husband – the only adult person Yan is closest to and in contact with now that she has totally tune off her colleagues and friends (not that she has any in the first place) – spends time at the computer. Yan says he surfs a lot. What sites, I did not ask.

I really have to reflect at my life at this stage when Yan told me about this. Yes, my Hubs is a geek and yes, many a times, he would spend more time with his Second Wife aka PC when he’s home. Do I mind? Do I?

I have to admit; even we first met in cyberspace, through the use of the PC. And I have always known that he is the Geek King. But yes, I have to admit, like Yan, I do sometimes wish Geeks (or any other hopeless romantics out there) would take time off and woo and surprise their other half.

I am not complaining about Hubs – he is simply too nice to me! – but as I heard Yan’s story, I fear that one day, being a SAHM, my presence will be taken for granted. That one day, Hubs would stop doing the laundry, stop showering the boys etc etc. Why? Simply because I am around to do it. No, I do not want that to happen.

Oh yes being a SAHM is great, I get to bond with my boys and that bonding is priceless. There’s nothing like hearing your boys calling out to YOU first then call out for their father. And when we go out, both of them are fighting to hold my hand, to sit with me, to kiss me.. ahhh I go simply weak in my knees.

I guess in life, there’s give and take. If I take that priceless bonding, I may have to give up the ‘pamperation’. Unless of course, if Hubs continue to be the way he is right now – very understanding.

So help me God.

I am still here. Surviving. Actually, motherhood is not really that bad. And my princes are fun to have around. What am I saying? These are my precious pancakes with melting sweet honey on top!

Last week, I was looking up at the mini library I have at home (yes, I do have a library at home) and I came across this wonderful book called The Soul of the Quran by Saniyasnain Khan. It is a compilation of inspiring prayers from the Holy Book. I have read the entire Quran before, both in English and in its native melodious native Arab language, but the way this particular book is packaged moved me.

The selected verses are short, simple and I do not know, at the time I was reading it, I was moved by the contents. It was as if God was speaking to me, to be strong, to have faith, to be thankful and to forever bear Him in mind and soul in what I do.

Yup, ladies and gentlemen, I was going through a bad patch at that time (more of that patch later) and so I was terribly moved by the contents. I read the book, cover to cover, in an hour and 45 minutes, in one seating. I was THAT mesmerized by what I read.

After finishing it, I was already thinking of who I would like to get the book for. Funny enough, I could not recall the origin of the book – was it mine? Was it Hubs’? A gift?

It’s like as if God knows that I was going through a bad time and therefore led me to ‘discover’ the book sitting quietly on my shelf. The thing is, I have noticed the book many a times, but I was never moved to even take it out and flip it.

I do not know why last Friday, 5^th January 2007 I somehow glanced at the book spine, lifted my arm and very easily took it down. I browsed through while heading to the sofa in my living room and before I was sitting down, I was already reading Page 2.

I do not know why but definitely God does…

Excerpt from The Soul of the Quran

God does not charge a soul with more than it can bear.
It shall be requited for whatever good
And whatever evil it has done.
Our Lord,
Take us not to task
If we forget, or lapse into error.
Our Lord,
Charge us not with the burden
You laid upon those before us.
Our Lord,
Do not burden us
Beyond what we have the strength to bear.
And pardon us,
And forgive our sins
And have mercy on us,
You alone are our Protector*
And help us against the people
Who deny the truth.

(2:286)

*Protector – the meaning of my eldest son’s name and my own.

5.15am Alarm

Drag body to kitchen, make coffee for Hubs, take bread out from fridge, prepare toast – 3 for him, one pair for me. Munch munch. Gulp gulp. Shower.

5.50am Turn on bed light in boys’ room. They stir, feed them milk.

6am Boys shower. I get ready. Rush through the house like a mad woman in a marathon – wash bottles, heat them, keep away margarine, toaster, wash plates, cups, prepare water bottles for boys, prepare Berry Stars breakfast for boys, prepare multivitamin for Imin, wrap up the garbage and place it outside the house, arrange shoes outside the house, prepare my own bag, check contents, ensure home keys are inside, pat my back jeans pocket for the presence of Ezlink cards, cajole Imin to eat Berry Stars, turn on Aa Ba Ta CD for Pau2 to be distracted and to get in the mood, check the windows, double check contents in my bag, check the boys’ bag… endless.

6.50am Leave the house and begin the 15 minutes walk to the bus stop.

7.10am Bus number 72. If we are lucky, it’s double deck. If not, it’s single. We have to jostle with the morning crowd, two sleepy boys and lots of bags.

7.50am Reach Tampines Interchange. Walk 5 minutes to bus number 291.

8.10am Reach school. Hubs takes Imin to his class (no problems there, it’s his third year in school, what a pro). I take Pau2 to his class. Battle begins.

8.15am Leave Pau2’s class. He screams for me, my heart breaks into tiny bits and pieces. Go over to Imin’s class. He’s having fun.

8.45am Hang around school, sneak a peek at Pau2. The trick is – how to see without being seen? Hmmm

9am Leave school. Go home.

10.10am Reach home. Vacuum. Cook. Laundry. MSN. Fold clothes. Put away clothes. Pant pant.

11.40am At the void deck waiting for boys who will arrive in the school van.

12pm Boys home. Change their uniforms. Chat. What did you learn today? Adik, did you cry? What did you eat today? Really? Wah, you are so clever! What did your teacher say? Wah..

12.30pm Sesame Street @ Kids Central. Feed boys lunch.

1pm Role playing with boys. Sometimes, I become Teacher, Auntie Shop, Patient, Doctor, Guest, Writer, Storyteller, Referee, Comforter, Screamer and many other characters that would put the biggest Hollywood star to shame.

2.30pm Story time in bed.

3pm Boys nap. I crawl out from their room if I can’t sleep. MSN. Clean house. Wash bottles. Blink blink.

4.30pm Boys awake. Shower. Dinner.

5.30pm I shower. I powdered. I lipsticked. I perfumed.

6.30 – 7pm Hubs home from work. Dinner.

8.30pm Boys milk. My eyes closing half way.

9pm Boys sleep. I yawn.

10pm I can’t take it (unless if it is Sunday, APPRENTICE @ 10.30 – never missed).

5.15am Alarm

Drag body to kitchen, make coffee for Hubs, take bread out from fridge, prepare toast – 3 for him, one pair for me. Munch munch. Gulp gulp. Shower.

HEY WAIT A MINUTE! I think I have done this before. Hmm.. in any case, you get the picture of how motherhood is for me now.

A few minutes to 04 January 2008.

I survived. Actually, it’s was quite painless earlier today. My princes were mostly on their own, clowning and screaming around. Nothing major, their usual nonsense stuff. I was able to vacuum, fold the laundry, cook lunch, cook dinner, fry chicken etc etc.

Even during shower time, they were quite cooperative. Especially Pau2. Nothing like the major gangfight he used to have with Hubs. And speaking about Hubs, I think he was quite relaxed coming home to his own house.

I think God listens and therefore makes it easier for me.

Thank you, God. For everything. But if You decide to give me a test or two, please grant me the strength and patience to go through it.

Now, I need to look my checklist - the many things to accomplish by Jan 07. Hmm.. item number one..

*To Be Continued*

3^rd January 2007

First day of school, for most. As for me, it’s my first day as Stay @ Home Mum – my first eversince I have been blessed with bouncing balls.. I mean, boys.

Will I survive? Hubs just left for work. Earlier, I have showered, swept the house, bring out the washing, chops up broccoli, carrot, fishball – for lunch and dinner later. Now, my princes are still asleep. I have time on my own. Limited though.

It’s now 8.18am.

If you can continue to see updates here, that means, I am surviving.

God, please grant me strength!

2006 has ended.

What has happened now? Hmm.. last year (2006), there were no babies for me. But I created a few babies called RDO ANNUAL REPORT 2004/05, HSSP Booklet, RDO B2B Booklet, RDO Standee, RDO Signboard, among other things. Thank you to those who have helped uncomplainingly (at least, to my knowledge).

End of 06, I had to take a confirmed one month break. Perhaps, two or three .. depending on how January 07 turns out to be.

On 28th Dec 06, Big Boss came to see and handed me my promotion. Wow...

The next day, 29th Dec 06, I was handed my right to drive on the road.

Then on 1 January 1, 2007, I moved one third of my belongings to my home at BC. To start a new life. To be a stay-at-home IBU.

Wow.. that is indeed the BIGGEST challenge ever.

God, please grant me strength and look over me.

"Route 6"

My heart skipped. Oh God. ROUTE 6? The U-turn at the PIE? Lane change in a three-lane road? At 9.45am in the morning? Peak traffic?

I swallowed.

When there was a 3 minutes break, I rushed to the front and confirmed to my myself, that yes, indeed route 6 IS THE DREADED route.

God, have you not been listening to me?

I mumbled a few prayers, went to my seat and began to descend in misery. Surely, not for the third time unlucky? In 12 months?

Ten minutes later, the tester came and shouted out my name. I looked up, got up and got out. I smiled hesitantly at him and quickly moved to 195. My intention - to turn on the aircon so that he could wait in comfort while I try to comfort myself.

ROUTE 6?!

We went to the circuit. Slow and easy. The tester, a Mr Lim, had a very unfriendly face and a gruff voice. He said, RELAX. Yeah right.

The circuit was a breeze. I did everything right. But Route 6 was never far from my mind. It was about to happen.

After finishing all the courses, Mr Lim grunted, "Now, we are going out". Instantly, my heart did a marathon. My palms turned sweaty. Under my tudung, I began to perspire.

Just then, I made the very first mistake. Mr Lim said, "Turn left..." where the OUT gate was. I did the opposite. He repeated very unkindly LEFT LEFT .. KIRI KIRI.

I chuckled nervously. SORRY SIR I AM NERVOUS.

You got that right.

From hence on, I committed at least 10 mistakes. Not major but things like when he said LEFT, I went RIGHT. I just couldn't think. But as we went along, I realized he was not going to ask me to go on to the PIE. Instead, we made a U turn at a tiny road instead.

But he did mention many times, HANCUR HANCUR when I turned right instead of left.

Sigh. At the back of my head, I was already booking the test date.

We went back to the school. I parked. He said, 'Follow me up to the second floor'. I turned slightly and in a nervous jester mood, said, 'Good news or bad news?'

He grunted. Sighed. Then he said, 'You see how you drive. Good news you think?'

I groaned silently.

My legs were like lead when they went up the stairs. We entered the interview room. I pulled out a chair. I sat down heavily. Prepared to receive my sentence.

"Good news, you passed."

Instantly, the sun came out. Really, literally. I am not kidding. This was after a solid 3 weeks of persistent rain. But on that day - Friday the 29th December 2006 - the sun came out.

Rejoice.

Thank you, God, for listening and granting me success. And Mr Lim - my, what a joker you are. But thank YOU all the same.

And now, ladies and gentleman, I am now a certified Class 3 driver (au).